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May these words help you and your children embody and radiate love, like rays
of life-sustaining sunshine, as you navigate the unchartered waters of
daily living with clarity, confidence and ease.
Due to the dynamic nature of interaction between the host and guest speaker on this Podcast
some of the text here is in outline form and not necessarily as presented in the Podcast.
Namaste, Aloha Everyone!
Welcome to Living and Loving As An Evolutionary Family.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for exploring ways you and your children can live more conscious lives, helping each other achieve your full potentials. Thank you for having the courage to help each other lovingly and patiently see and resolve whatever past issues, traumas and heartaches arise as you evolve together as a conscious family.
As we endeavor to be more conscious parents, a more conscious partner for our beloved, we recognize the need to connect with, resolve, and release whatever traumas, fears, thoughts, memories, desires, cultural conditionings and other stereotypes that keep us from being fully present for our children and beloved.
We make a commitment to discovering ourselves through our sacred family, a commitment to discover and live true selfless love. We form a family bond that is committed to openness, to communing and to exploring life together.
As an evolutionary family we seek out and acknowledge the gifts each family member brings to the love affair we are co-creating with one another each moment. We acknowledge and are aware of the evolutionary potential, the potential for much deeper love, perception and understanding, that comes through seeing each other as mirrors and reflectors by which we can learn more about ourselves—through which we can resolve and release past traumas and other energies blocking the full expression of our love. We stop blaming others and start seeing parts of ourselves in them.
Within an evolutionary family, common family situations transform what could be challenging times where someone or everyone gets wounded into win/win results for everyone. We use creative conflict and self-examination to enhance our growth and experiences of living in and as peace, love and bliss. We realize that intra-family work is more exciting and meaningful than anything else. We choose to heal the evolutionary path of past generations bringing an end to unconscious actions.
Paramahansa Yogananda said, “Parents and children should understand that their relationship is not fortuitous, but is due to a divine plan. Family life is the laboratory in which human love can be transformed into God's perfect love.
Parents should look upon their child as the honored temple where their conjugal love can be purified and expanded into filial love. They should feel that they are serving God in that little temple. Children, in turn, should look upon their parents as visible representatives of God on earth.”
At the very core of an evolutionary family is prayer and meditation. Prayer and Meditation helps us see into our family life and provide us with the energy and illumination to solve our problems. A family meditation program leads us to deeper, richer friendships; freedom from anxiety; spontaneity and creativity in play; open, loving family relationships, and feelings of trust and safety.
Meditation assists in shifting “survivor” brain reactions that propel us into the limited reactions of being a “loner, pleaser or controller” into stabilizing responses that we will discuss in depth later.
Meditation awakens dormant brain cells, giving us access to the 85 to 90% of the brain most people do not use. It stimulates the brain neurons, increasing their capacity to allow more awareness to enter our consciousness.
Meditation improves self-image. Children learn they can become a master of themselves by quieting their bodies, emotions and thoughts to experience the deeper reality of their spirit. They gain a sense of inner authority as questions are answered from within.
In the joy, sense of well-being and direct perception that opens up by meditating, children gain self-reliance and can do better in whatever interests them. The gradual development of deep concentration that goes with meditation becomes part of their character. Then the vibrant and often scattered energies of childhood become directed and used, by the children themselves, to achieve their own goals.
Mark Twain once said, “To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.”
And with great joy in my heart, I’d like to welcome my dear friend, Cliff Ishigaki, to the program. Cliff is the Director of the Synthesis Center in Orange County, California. He is a gifted Marriage and Family Counselor, Trauma Recovery Specialist, Ordained Minister, and Aikido Instructor. He has served as a Director of Counseling for a Juvenile Court School, a school counselor, history teacher, college instructor and a Marine Corps Captain. His current work is focused on individual family counseling where trauma is indicated.
I met Cliff over 30 years ago when he was working for the court schools and part of a statewide network working with troubled youth. At the time, I was a CPA looking to do community service. Meeting Cliff was my first venture into working with children.
Cliff also introduced me to a nutritionist when I realized my body was no longer functioning at optimum levels and he has been a catalyst for much of my growth in conscious awareness and interpersonal relationships.
In this moment, Cliff and I invite you to picture and feel your heart lovingly embracing your children. Invite your beautiful children, family members, spiritual teachers and guides to be with us energetically.
A great being once said, “Whenever God’s love is discussed, whenever God’s love is experienced, all the great beings, all the saints, all the gods and goddesses, all the yogis and . . . all the beings who adore God come and participate in the gathering.”
Feel the blessings of all these great beings embracing you as you breathe deeply. These great beings constantly radiate frequencies of bliss that permeate every pore of your being when you invoke their presence or sit in their company. Their frequencies, their blessings, accelerate your own vibration.
As your vibrational frequencies accelerate, all the limited tendencies, all the filters keeping you from being a fully conscious parent and being disappear—images, intuitions, memories, ideas, thoughts, fears, hopes, desires, cultural conditioning and other stereotypes. All the filters that you’ve picked up while growing up and living in society give way to the love, bliss and wisdom of your soul. All the filters through which you have seen events and other people who have filters too disappear.
Instead of seeing shadows through filtered lenses of misperceptions, you see the light, the truth, manifesting in each moment, in each person—your children, your beloved, your family, friends, coworkers, and even casual acquaintances.
Let’s embrace all these wonderful beings who currently grace your life, all those who will grace your life as it consciously unfolds, and all your ancestors with the loving and blissful frequencies of your soul.
You may want to invite your children to participate along with you. Doing this visualization as a family will bring you closer together. During the last segment of today’s program we’ll enjoy another meditation designed to help you and your children remember who you are and bring you ever closer together in body, mind, heart and spirit.
In this precious moment, if it’s safe for you to do so, lovingly bring one or both of your hands to your heart. You may also close your eyes if it’s safe. Focus your full attention at your heart.
Breathe deeply right into the center of your heart, the center of your chest. Feel the energy of your breath softening your heart—opening your heart to hold ever more of the love and bliss you are. Feel your heart getting larger and larger. Keep your attention, your awareness, on your heart as your breath flows in, as your breath flows out.
Breathe deeply into your expanding heart. Feel your heart getting larger and larger with each breath. Imagine you are inhaling divine love with each breath. The air you inhale is pure divine love, pure bliss.
Keep your attention on your heart as your breath rolls in and flows out like a soft ocean wave.
Breathe deeply, bathing every pore of your being with divine vibrations of love and bliss.
Breathe deeply allowing your body to relax within the vibrations of your expanding heart.
Breathe deeply reminding every pore of your beautiful being that it is safe, that it can relax, that it can open up to experience the loving and blissful vibrations of your soul.
Focus on the vibrations of your heart. Listen to your Beautiful Heart beating. Feel the pulsations of the love and bliss you are with each heartbeat.
Now, imagine you are sitting within your very own heart.
As you sit inside your very own heart, every cell of your body feels the loving and blissful vibrations of each heartbeat.
Now, imagine you are holding your arms out, getting ready to embrace, ready to hug, someone with great love, great respect, and great reverence.
Zoe Weil, says, “Reverence is an emotion that we can nurture in our very young children.”
Visualize, see, your children, and with great love, great respect, and great reverence, tenderly pull them into your heart as you inhale.
Exhale and feel the love of your children pulsating in your heart.
Visualize, see your beloved partner, and with great love, great respect, and great reverence, gracefully pull them into your heart as you inhale.
Exhale and feel the love of your beloved pulsating in your heart.
As you inhale again, visualize, see, your parents, and with great love, respect and reverence, pull them into your heart with immense gratitude. Let them know with the love of your embrace you are grateful they provided you with a body to unfold your full potential, your full consciousness. Let them know with the love of your embrace that you know they did the best they could in each moment.
Exhale and feel the love of your parents pulsating in your heart.
As you inhale again, visualize, see yourself and your parents, reaching out to embrace your grandparents with great love and great respect. Let them know with the full love of your embrace you are grateful for all they contributed to who you are in this moment. Let them know you honor and respect the lineage you now anchor.
Exhale and feel the love of your grandparents pulsating in your heart. Feel these pulsations rippling out through the corridors of time, transforming your entire lineage into love and light—your great grandparents; your great, great grandparents; your great, great, great grandparents; and their parents, grandparents and great grandparents.
On another long, deep inhale, visualize, see, all your extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, ex’s) and with great love, great respect, and great reverence, pull them into your heart.
Exhale and feel the love of your extended family pulsating in your heart.
As you inhale again, embrace everyone and all life in the world with great love, respect, and reverence, as you lovingly pull them into your magnificent, ever expanding heart.
Exhale and feel the love of everyone and all life in the world pulsating in your beautiful, compassionate, empathetic heart.
Jonathan Lockwood Huie says, “As a happy person, you radiate happiness to the world. Visualize your light radiating throughout the world, passing from person to person until it encircles the globe.”
With your light radiating throughout the world, passing from person to person, inhale and visualize you are embracing Mother Earth, pulling her into your heart, filling her with love, respect and reverence.
Exhale and feel the love, respect and reverence for Mother Earth pulsating in your beautiful, compassionate, empathetic heart.
Inhale, see and feel Mother Earth’s beautiful baby blue skies, deep blue oceans, majestic mountain peaks, and all life living in, on, and around Her sending rays of heartfelt gratitude, love, respect and reverence back to you.
Exhale and feel those rays of gratitude, love, respect and reverence touching your heart and soul, making them glow even brighter.
Keeping your hands at your heart, gently open your eyes and enjoy several long, easy inhales and long slow exhales.
As proclaimed in The Lion King, “We are all connected in the Great Circle of Life.”
In this moment, embrace yourself with gratitude, love, respect and reverence. Honor your self for embracing a conscious lifestyle. Honor yourself for being part of a rapidly evolving evolution of living in and as love.
Conscious visualizations, conscious meditations like the one we just did are a powerful practice to root out, resolve and release whatever limitations keep us from really being ourselves—limitations that keep us from being fully present for our children, our beloved, and life in general.
Until we free ourselves from these limitations we’re actually living lives conditioned by what happened or what we believed happened to us as children. We’re living lives we constructed based on all the unresolved traumas, fears, thoughts, memories, desires, and cultural conditionings we’ve experienced from the moment we were born.
CLIFF: Cliff to come in and talk about the trauma of going from a safe environment in the womb where all our needs were met instantaneously to a space where they may not be met so instantly depending on our parents awareness—food, changing diapers, loving contact. Cry to get attention . . .
Security of womb to being uncomfortable . . .
TIMOTHY: What do we mean by traumas—flood our consciousness or invade it?
CLIFF: Signals back of brain . . . limbic system.
Stimulation means we perceive there is a life or death situation for us.
When engaged, we have one of 3 reactions . . . Run, Hide or Fight.
These take place without thinking about them.
Body switches from voluntary or primary nervous system to Autonomic or Involuntary Nervous System.
Adrenalin is pumped in . . . body preparing to save life.
Inside certain families with neglect or abuse, a small child instinctively knows there are needs that are life or death.
In some children who are abused the need for safety creates an immediate connection with the limbic brain . . . child will not think but react by hiding, running or fighting when that need is present.
Case of over flooding…Drowning kid goes into the controller or pleaser or loner.
Role of each moves body into a traumatized situation. Cortisol and adrenalin flood system.
Lose serotonin, which kids can’t think without it. Get a very different kid—a facsimile kid.
Behavior represents the child (survivor roles show up) instead of child showing up.
TIMOTHY: You said neglect or abuse. So a child who is neglected, who does not have it’s needs met because the parents are not at as attentive as they should be, could react the same way as a child who is physically abused.
CLIFF: Yes, neglect is the same as physical abuse in terms of reaction.
A neglected child may find their need for belonging so out of balance that it becomes a life or death situation causing the child to become a hider, runner or fighter.
Children have three needs that need to be met or they can feel they are in a life or death situation . . . safety, belonging and trust.
WHEN TRAUMA in any fashion AFFECTS SAFETY, BELONGING OR TRUST, it creates lasting issues that will have to be healed if the child is going to live a life free of these scars.
Learning to help children deal with issues affecting safety, belonging and trust . . . giving them ways of dealing with discomfort, not being afraid, and meeting their needs so their limbic system is not triggered is a key to their healthy development and conscious parenting.
The technical task is to help their child learn to tolerate normal discomfort around getting their needs met. Daddy will take you to the playground when he’s done watering.
TIMOTHY: This is one of the real challenges of parenting—finding ways to help children meet their needs associated with normal discomfort without inadvertently setting up a survivor situation.
I once met a lady, we’ll call Carol, who wanted to exchange Traeger massage treatments for the Reiki treatments I gave. At the time, I had been looking for someone who did Traeger and gladly accepted her offer. We met at Carol’s house, which was very beautiful on the inside and outside. It also felt wonderful—there was a very peaceful vibration in the house—with one exception—when I touched the light switch in the bathroom something felt very strange. I continued to notice that same feeling every time I touched the light switch.
Several months into this exchange of treatments, Carol had a breakthrough while I was working on her heart. She realized that, with all the spiritual practices, all the in depth internal work, and all the community service for the church she had done, she felt totally disconnected from God. She couldn’t understand how this could possibly be.
I asked her to follow these feelings deep into her heart. She went back to the time she was a little girl who couldn’t go to sleep because she was very afraid of the dark. She would cry, fuss, not want to go to bed, come out of her bedroom after getting in bed, and all the things children do not to face something that scares them.
The solution her mom came up with in trying to get Carol to stay in bed, stay in her room when she was afraid, was telling her to get out of bed, turn the light switch on, and God would be there to make her feel better.
So this little girl did what her mom said. She got up and flipped the light switch on when she was afraid. Can you guess what happened? She saw all things in her room she would normally see when the light was on . . . but she didn’t see God. God wasn’t there to comfort her like her mom said. Over and over again, she flipped the light switch on at night when she was scared. Over and over again, she saw her room with the light on but no God. God was not there.
After a few nights of flipping on the light switch, hoping God would be there to soothe her fear, her subconscious mind was programmed with “there’s no God—God’s not here to help me like mommy said". Decades of flipping on light switch after light switch eventually totally disconnected her from the personal relationship with God she was so desperately seeking and finally reclaimed through our sessions together.
CLIFF TO COME IN HERE: CHILD FLOODED . . . ETC . . . Child faced with: how do I handle my need before it becomes my emergency!
This mom, who thought she was helping her daughter, gave advise instead of connecting, empathizing, with her daughter first. It doesn’t really matter if the advice had been good or bad, it was not the empathy, the connection her daughter needed.
TIMOTHY: Most of us did not receive empathetic responses as children. We received advice and other responses that left us confused, bewildered, and unable to feel and communicate with empathy ourselves.
Cliff, I’m sure you’ve seen this over and over again with all the children and families you’ve worked with. Using this example, what are some of the other ways adults respond to children that leave them feeling unheard or flooded.
CLIFF: Interpreting: where the mother might have said, “You’re just trying to get out of going to bed . . . get back in there.”
Or Apologizing or sympathizing: “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Or “I’m sad that you feel that way.”
Other times the people we are trying to get to hear us claim understanding but don’t check it out. Mom might say, “I understand.” Or “I used to feel that way, I used to be afraid of the dark too.”
TIMOTHY: That doesn’t really provide much comfort. It doesn’t solve the fact this little girl is afraid of the dark.
CLIFF: No it doesn’t and neither does agreeing with someone like lots of people do in situations like this. Mom saying, “I agree with you, I never liked the dark either,” does not solve the problem at hand.
TIMOTHY: What are some of the other ways we respond that foster disconnection.
CLIFF: Sometimes people probe, like mom asking, “What’s there to be afraid of?”
There are also judgment comments like: “That’s silly. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
And many times, we make other people’s issues our own by personalizing them. Mom might be thinking, “I must be a terrible mother if I can’t help my daughter get to sleep or if I can’t calm her fears.”
TIMOTHY: Sounds like we’ve all been conditioned to respond in a lot of ways we consider normal but where no one wins or feels satisfied.
In this example, the mom really left the little girl to fend for herself.
CLIFF: . . . For this child, enough anxiety created fear and sense she had to run, hide or fight . . . loner, pleaser, controller or combination thereof.
No guidance for her slipping into the trauma zone.
Children have no ability to reason. They are body-based.
Please continue with this Article at Living and Loving As An Evolutionary Family "Continued" in the next Blog Post.
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